I love music. Often times I find entire songs or parts of songs that I feel like I could have written. It feels like they describe things perfectly for me. Sugarland actually has a strange way of doing this. "I'm slow to trust, but I'm quick to love. I push too hard and I give too much. I ain't sayin' I'm perfect but I promise I'm worth it." For the past few months this line has been replaying over and over in my head. I've been hurt. This may be related to the fact that I love quickly, I love deeply, I love with all my heart. The downside to this is the love and care that I have heightens the amount of hurt I feel from those that I have invested myself in. I tend to expect so much from people and see the potential in them. This then may be why I tend to push for those to reach this expectation and potential. I will be the first to admit I am nowhere near perfect but I am worth it. My desire is to make others happy. I find that this is unfortunately taken advantage of by some. However, that doesn't change my desire to love and make others happy. I still love them. Just as I hold high expectations for others as to how they treat people and their potential, I also hold these expectations for myself. My actions effect those around me. I want to make those around me feel loved and cared for. I will do anything and everything for those I love.
When it comes to love I am reminded of the simple yet amazing truth that God loves me. I've heard this all my life. We teach this to children from an early age by singing Jesus Loves Me. A few years ago I struggled with a very hard time in life. As I often hear God through songs I knew there was no coincedence in hearing the song He Loves Us. The first time I heard it was at a youth camp and I could hear God urging me to believe it. He gave me a new realization of His love for me. I'm afraid we tend to take things for granted and don't take time to concentrate on this unbelievable truth. Tonight please dwell on the understanding that God loves you. There is nothing you can do that will make Him love you less. I leave you this evening with the words of the song that has influenced so much about me for the past 3 years...
He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane I am tree, bending the weight His and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me.
Oh how He loves us so. Oh how he loves us. How He loves us so.
We are His portion and He is our prize. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If grace is an ocean then we're all sinking. And heaven meets earth and I cannot resist as my heart turns violently inside of my chest I don't have the time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way.....
He loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He loves. Yes, He loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He loves us. Oh how He loves.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Let it snow...
I love snow. I remember laying in front of the tv after a day of sledding with my friends as we all hoped each of us was out school so that we could have another day of playing together. Snow days are not the same as they used to be. My brothers and I aren't together to pull each other around on our sleds. We didn't really have any good hills on our property so instead we hooked up our sleds to the 4 wheeler to pull each other around. Yes, I admit, not the safest thing ever. Especially when my oldest brother bent up the sides to a street sign and hooked a chain between it and the 4 wheeler. We realized quickly this was not a good idea so don't be afraid. As a teacher I still get excited but I am a bit sad that they aren't full of spontaneous fun like they used to be. I also can't exactly turn off my brain from all of the things that need to be done and all the lessons I am going to have to make up when we get back to school.
Today I had a chance to just spend time with Ashtyn. We built a fort (sort of), started a snowman which turned into throwing snow at each other, made snow angels, and watched Disney movies. I am reminded that it doesn't really matter what I need to get done at work or what bills I need to pay, at the moment all that matters is spending time with Ashtyn. We weren't put on this earth to go to work and acccomplish what everyone else deems a success. I am afraid we tend to forget we were built for relationships. Some are much better at this than others.
Relationships are difficult things. We are created for relationships yet those are often the things that hurt us the most. I believe God desires for us to walk in close relationship with Him and with others. I hope that as this year progresses my relationship with God as well as my relationships with others grows stronger. I know that community is important. I am thankful for those that God has placed in my life and strive to help others.
Today, be thankful for the people that He has placed in your life. Remember that God has made us as relational beings. Cherish and recognize those that truly cherish and love you, however difficult or easy that may be.
Today I had a chance to just spend time with Ashtyn. We built a fort (sort of), started a snowman which turned into throwing snow at each other, made snow angels, and watched Disney movies. I am reminded that it doesn't really matter what I need to get done at work or what bills I need to pay, at the moment all that matters is spending time with Ashtyn. We weren't put on this earth to go to work and acccomplish what everyone else deems a success. I am afraid we tend to forget we were built for relationships. Some are much better at this than others.
Relationships are difficult things. We are created for relationships yet those are often the things that hurt us the most. I believe God desires for us to walk in close relationship with Him and with others. I hope that as this year progresses my relationship with God as well as my relationships with others grows stronger. I know that community is important. I am thankful for those that God has placed in my life and strive to help others.
Today, be thankful for the people that He has placed in your life. Remember that God has made us as relational beings. Cherish and recognize those that truly cherish and love you, however difficult or easy that may be.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
2011???
Hmm… well, yea, it’s been awhile. I was recently reminded that I haven’t blogged in quite awhile and that it lasted maybe a whole week. Part of the reason for that is probably because I don’t have time once I get home to sit down and write. But, he we go.
2011. Wow, really? I had high hopes for 2010. It seems I have this plan in my head of what the upcoming year will entail. However it doesn’t ever actually end up going as I had imagined. 2010 was a good year. Addyson turning 1 was probably the highlight though. The celebration of the miracle that she is here was awesome. I love watching her as she crawls on her hands and knees and repeats noises that sound like words. I love my nieces. They are the highlight of just about everything! I can’t imagine loving anyone more than I love those 3 precious girls. This also goes along with my desire to have kids of my own. Turning 24 was a strange feeling for me and I am continuing to put off the thought that in just a few months I will be 25. That to say, as I’ve said before, this isn’t quite what I thought life would look like right now. So in turn I suppose my New Years Resolution is to be content with where I am and not dwell on what I hope to come. Now, if you know me, you know that may be quite a task!
I am thankful for the people in my life. I have 4 fantastic friends from college that I know I am lucky to still be close with. Even though all 4 are married and schedules can be crazy (remember I teach all day and then have cheerleading until as late as 9pm) we still make time for our girls nights. These nights tend to lead to the discussion about the generations that will follow. 2 of us are educators and one has 2 beautiful children in case you were wondering where that topic may come from! My heart is often burdened for the students that walk in and out of my classroom. You can’t even imagine some of the situations they deal with outside of the walls of my school. This is why I wanted to teach. Do I care that they learn the material? Of course! (That’s all the state cares about, that’s another issue all together) But the most important thing to me is that each student feels comfortable in my classroom and that when they leave at the end of the year they are better prepared to make a positive influence in this world and that they know that someone cares about them. It’s terrible to know that some of my kids never hear that someone cares for them. I have amazing coworkers. I have learned so much from them in the time that I have been here. The best thing is that I truly consider them friends. We also have a good amount of fun! Things happen for a reason and I am extremely thankful that I stumbled upon this job. It has truly been a God thing and I know that though there are difficult days I am where I am supposed to be. I have also been given wonderful friendships that have become like family. Christmas parties, New Years, Fourth of July, birthdays, random cookouts, weddings, just sitting in the living room enjoying each others company… all of which are just a few times that we have gotten together and although it may have been a few weeks or even a couple months since we’ve seen each other (usually because of schedules) it is a comfortable feeling of being with friends that will always be there. I have a roof over my head in a place that I absolutely love. Even though money is short I have never gone hungry. I have a church that I love. I also live within 10 miles of my family. Now this is a blessing! I am absolutely blessed with the family God has given me. I have the pleasure of seeing my nieces grow up. I have the gift that I know that when any of us needs something we are able to be there for each other. Thinking about the blessing that I get to call family brings tears to my eyes. There are no words to explain how proud I am of each of my family members. I can only hope to be half the leader and compassionate person of those that I call my family.
Well, I have gotten a little sappy. But as I think about 2010 it’s not necessarily the events but the fact of being with the people I love that has stuck out to me. Of course there was the flood. Being flooded in wasn’t so bad. I wasn’t going to miss the wedding of one of those previously mentioned friends who are more like family. Getting back to my apartment wasn’t an option. Being in downtown seeing some of those familiar images from the news stories with my own eyes turned into memories that I treasure. Spending Fourth of July on a barge with my family and friends basically in that same flooded river watching fireworks that looked as though they may fall straight on us was also awesome! There were many other moments that maybe I’ll reflect on in the near future. We do know that I am one to reflect often.
So, here we go 2011. I do hope that this year will be better than the last.
2011. Wow, really? I had high hopes for 2010. It seems I have this plan in my head of what the upcoming year will entail. However it doesn’t ever actually end up going as I had imagined. 2010 was a good year. Addyson turning 1 was probably the highlight though. The celebration of the miracle that she is here was awesome. I love watching her as she crawls on her hands and knees and repeats noises that sound like words. I love my nieces. They are the highlight of just about everything! I can’t imagine loving anyone more than I love those 3 precious girls. This also goes along with my desire to have kids of my own. Turning 24 was a strange feeling for me and I am continuing to put off the thought that in just a few months I will be 25. That to say, as I’ve said before, this isn’t quite what I thought life would look like right now. So in turn I suppose my New Years Resolution is to be content with where I am and not dwell on what I hope to come. Now, if you know me, you know that may be quite a task!
I am thankful for the people in my life. I have 4 fantastic friends from college that I know I am lucky to still be close with. Even though all 4 are married and schedules can be crazy (remember I teach all day and then have cheerleading until as late as 9pm) we still make time for our girls nights. These nights tend to lead to the discussion about the generations that will follow. 2 of us are educators and one has 2 beautiful children in case you were wondering where that topic may come from! My heart is often burdened for the students that walk in and out of my classroom. You can’t even imagine some of the situations they deal with outside of the walls of my school. This is why I wanted to teach. Do I care that they learn the material? Of course! (That’s all the state cares about, that’s another issue all together) But the most important thing to me is that each student feels comfortable in my classroom and that when they leave at the end of the year they are better prepared to make a positive influence in this world and that they know that someone cares about them. It’s terrible to know that some of my kids never hear that someone cares for them. I have amazing coworkers. I have learned so much from them in the time that I have been here. The best thing is that I truly consider them friends. We also have a good amount of fun! Things happen for a reason and I am extremely thankful that I stumbled upon this job. It has truly been a God thing and I know that though there are difficult days I am where I am supposed to be. I have also been given wonderful friendships that have become like family. Christmas parties, New Years, Fourth of July, birthdays, random cookouts, weddings, just sitting in the living room enjoying each others company… all of which are just a few times that we have gotten together and although it may have been a few weeks or even a couple months since we’ve seen each other (usually because of schedules) it is a comfortable feeling of being with friends that will always be there. I have a roof over my head in a place that I absolutely love. Even though money is short I have never gone hungry. I have a church that I love. I also live within 10 miles of my family. Now this is a blessing! I am absolutely blessed with the family God has given me. I have the pleasure of seeing my nieces grow up. I have the gift that I know that when any of us needs something we are able to be there for each other. Thinking about the blessing that I get to call family brings tears to my eyes. There are no words to explain how proud I am of each of my family members. I can only hope to be half the leader and compassionate person of those that I call my family.
Well, I have gotten a little sappy. But as I think about 2010 it’s not necessarily the events but the fact of being with the people I love that has stuck out to me. Of course there was the flood. Being flooded in wasn’t so bad. I wasn’t going to miss the wedding of one of those previously mentioned friends who are more like family. Getting back to my apartment wasn’t an option. Being in downtown seeing some of those familiar images from the news stories with my own eyes turned into memories that I treasure. Spending Fourth of July on a barge with my family and friends basically in that same flooded river watching fireworks that looked as though they may fall straight on us was also awesome! There were many other moments that maybe I’ll reflect on in the near future. We do know that I am one to reflect often.
So, here we go 2011. I do hope that this year will be better than the last.
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