a sub already??

Well.... believe it or not I was actually hoping not to have to get a substitute tomorrow. I guess I'm a little more tired from these first few weeks than my body would like for me to be. So Saturday it decided it wanted to be sick to force me to slow down. Thanks. :) Therefore, tomorrow will be my first day to have a substitute this year. Let's pray my kids are still in the 'new year still trying to behave' stage. But, I must say even though I'm exhausted, it's been well worth it. I spent this weekend at a hunting cabin two hours away with a little over 20 senior highers (and one bathroom) for our fall retreat. It was fantastic! Again, I love working with teenagers. I mean, what's not to love about team building games, sleeping on an air mattress that deflates in the middle of the night, wiffle ball and kickball games, and of course capture the flag as soon as it gets dark enough to see nothing but the glow stick across the way. Another thing I absolutely love about retreats is forcing myself to be quiet. It's amazing to me how much God loves me. And I don't mean that He just loves me, of course He loves all of you too. I just stand completely amazed that I am so unworthy of His love yet He still chooses to lavish it on me. Who am I to deserve that kind of perfect love? We had quiet times of prayer on our own several times during the weekend. On Saturday night after reading scripture our reading told us to think about our dark pit in life. The area of our life, whether it be an event, a relationship, a struggle, or whatever it may be for us. As we talked about it in small groups some mentioned visualizing themselves in a new imaginary place. I, as soon as I read what it was asking us to do, immediately saw the vision in my mind of the literal place of laying on my bathroom floor in my apartment in college, tears rolling down my face, crying out to God. I'll be honest, it sure hurt to even go back to that place in my mind. That place of confusion and hurt. But, as I continued reading a new vision came in. It told us to now imagine the same place, but now see God there with you. He is isn't standing outside of the pit asking for you to let him pick you up and take you out, or waiting for you to reach your hand up to Him for help. He wasn't standing at the bathroom door waiting for me to get up and come out to Him. No, He was there on the floor holding me and comforting me. Wow. How awesome is that? He comes to our deepest pit. He is with us when we feel noone else is there. It was such an incredible scene for me to see. Maybe because I tend to be a dreamer, a visual person or learner. But, it really made me see how blessed I am to have a God that loves me so much to meet me not just wait for me. I'll be honest, that vision is not somewhere I like to think about it, it is something I have tried to put out of my mind for years. But, I am so thankful that now that vision is different. I am not alone. God is holding me. You are not alone. God is holding you. I hope that you feel Him holding you today and that you see Him with you right where you are. Goodnight. Here's to cold medicine, tissues, and sleep!

back to school... back to school... to prove to daddy I'm not a fool

It seems that every night I have big plans to go to sleep early but somehow I still end up staying up way too late and dreading that alarm at 5:20am. Mornings have never really been my thing. Needless to say, I'm a bit tired. The first few weeks back to school are always interesting. It takes awhile for me to get back into the routine of waking up early and being at school for a long time. By long time I mean that I got to work yesterday at 7:30am and didn't leave until 9:30pm. Now, am I tired? Yes. But, I love my job. There is nothing else I could imagine doing. It's not that I love history and want to teach kids every important date ever, (which ps ever is a real long time) but because I have the opportunity to build relationships with kids. I do love history but the most important thing I want is for a kid to walk out of my class on that final day with not a thousand dates they'll remember for the rest of their lives, but I want them to walk out knowing more about themselves and growing as a person. It makes me sad to see kids that don't have a single adult figure in their life that smiles at them, asks them how their day is, and tells them that they are good at something. That is who I want to be. It takes tons of patience I'll tell you that! But, when they come back to visit the next year to tell you about their summer and how they went to church camp and have their life on track, or they come to you on the last day and ask you to pray for a friend who is sick just because they 'knew you would', that's when it's worth it. That is the reason I want to be in public schools. I want to be a positive Christian influence in a place where its 'not ok'. My mom bought me a bracelet before school started this year. I wear it pretty much everyday. It is silver and has engraved in it: Teacher's Prayer   Lord, let me be a teacher of knowledge who will guide our youth and grant them the necessary understanding. I love it. It is a constant reminder to me of why I am there. Our kids need prayer. Please pray for them in this time of searching as they figure out who they are. Please pray that they stay strong in who God has made for them to be. Please pray for me, and all teachers as we spend more time with some of these kids than any other adult does. Please pray that we will be positive influences in their lives, provide a positive atmosphere, and that their lives are touched and blessed from being in our classroom. I hope that you feel God's love today. Sometimes, the only thing we need is to feel God's arms wrapped around us and his love overflowing onto our lives. I know that today, I do.

here goes nothin...

So, I'm a little behind on the whole blog scene but I have wanted to start this for quite awhile. As usual my procrastination has gotten the better of me. But... here I am, ready to begin. You may be wondering, 'patience, wisdom, strength? what is that all about?' A few years ago as I was in the middle of one of the most confusing and difficult points of my life I prayed that God would somehow give me something simple to help me hear Him more clearly. Sitting in the middle of class these three words came to mind. Ok, so yes I was in class but God can speak to you anywhere, and don't worry I still caught up with the Civil War lesson. Those three words turned into my personal prayer: "God please grant me the patience to seek your will, the wisdom to understand it, and the strength to follow through." Let's be honest, patience is not my strongest trait and I tend to analyze things over and over to the point that sometimes I don't even know what I was thinking about in the first place! I think sometimes in the crazy busy lives we lead we forget to stop and understand God works in His own time, not ours. And when we do see His will for us its even more difficult to understand it sometimes. That in itself is possibly human nature and its tendency to lean towards selfishness and indecisiveness. Or maybe that's just me. Yet somehow following God's will is not the easiest way nor exactly what we were hoping for in the first place. What's the saying, hindsight is 20/20? Looking back over the years I realize that some of the hardest things I have had to do and the difficult times I have been through are a gift from God. Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Maybe not so much unanswered as He very quietly says, 'be patient, I have a better plan for you.' Well, since I'm still trying to get back into my teaching sleep schedule I should head to bed. I hope this finds you well and that as you read this (whoever may if anyone) you wait patiently for God's will, that He grants you the wisdom to understand it and the strength to follow through. May He bless you today whether you are in one of those dreaded difficult times in life or if you're flying high and everything is going just fine!